My Love-Hate Relationship with Mother's Day

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Oh Mother's Day ... I love you now, but I really hated you for a little while there. When I was single and in my mid-30s, I often wondered if I'd ever be a mother. Mother's Day seemed to be the day where someone stuck a knife in my heart a little and twisted it around, as I watched my friends and family celebrate a job I desperately wanted.  When I finally found the love of my life and we went through unsuccessful IVF treatments right before Mother's Day, I can remember bursting into tears in church, ultimately leaving early because I couldn't keep it together.

We adopted our daughter that same December and found out that same week we were pregnant, and that following May we celebrated hard my first Mother's Day. I definitely basked in the glow of finally being a mom, but there were still shadows of sadness, mainly because I know how many people are out there feeling the way I used to about the day. I knew that Mother's Day was going to be very hard for the woman who had carried our daughter for nine months and then handed her to me  to be her mother, and that made the day so bittersweet. Mother's Day can be hard for so many people, for women who have lost their mothers, women who have placed a child for adoption, women who long to a mother, women who have started the adoption process but are patiently (or impatiently) waiting for their turn, women who are estranged from their children, and even adoptees who are struggling with their relationships and emotions about their two mothers, birth and adoptive. 

If you are lucky enough to be able to celebrate with your mother, with all of your children and have overall positive thoughts about the day, please count your blessings, I know I will be counting mine! But please remember that everyone may not have the same feeling about the day, and be extra thoughtful of your friends and family who may have the same love-hate relationship I used to have with this holiday. 

 

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Katie Zimmerman